I am in Awe

In the past few weeks I have learned a ton of things about life and about myself. So much in fact that I haven’t been able to clearly think about how to put all I have learned into words on a screen. Much to my surprise and excitement, God has shown me that all these little lessons all point to one main life lesson. So here goes my attempt to articulate what has been happening. It all started with a concussion, I hit my head and now there is a dent in it. That is what started me on this journey, though I didn’t know it at the time. One of the side effects that can come from denting your head is sort term brain damage, so for a few days I lost my abilities to focus, my speech was impaired, I couldn’t perform your basic tasks (like tie my shoe or use scissors) and I also suffered short term memory loss. To this day I don’t know what I was doing that week. I am better now, though I still struggle to focus. Otherwise I am back to myself. I learned a lot that week, many things I could share but what impacted me most is I started to become thankful for my memory. I started to thank God every day for the ability to remember my name and who my friends are. I used to take for granted the amazing memory God gave every one of us, until mine stopped working for a few days. when it came back I vowed that I would never take how God created me for granted again. This was only the beginning; about a week or two later a friend of mine became upset because of a bad break up with his girlfriend along with other things. He spiraled quickly and soon after began to threaten to kill himself. He is alive today, though emotionally still in turmoil. But to almost lose a good friend by his own hand really shook me. I was sitting with some friends praising God the next day and I started to cry, not from sadness but from overwhelming thankfulness that my friends are alive. People die every day; this is a simple fact of life. We grow up with the knowledge that one day our time on this earth will end. Our family passes away from old age or sickness and we know that death is part of life, Suicide is not. For most it never crosses their mind that the people you laugh with, talk to, and hang out with could become so depressed that they kill themselves. To have that almost happen made me stop and weep because we are so blessed to have the hope that comes from God. If he hadn’t given the gift of the Holy Spirit to the Gentiles (us) we would have no reason to live, no hope to cling to in the hard times and we would have no trouble ending our lives, because without God, they would mean nothing. So isn’t it amazing? Aren’t we blessed to have this hope? these complex lives? If the people you love are alive and have hope, then consider yourself abundantly blessed by the heavenly father. So after that I began to thank God every day for life and hope. Then it became quiet(ish) for a few days, no major life lessons, no storm to weather, just my normal life. And when I say normal, I mean, I run around like a head with its chicken cut off… think about it… you paying attention again? Good :D Then something happened that wasn’t crazy or dramatic that changed everything. I went to the movies with some friends. Yes I know that isn’t out of the ordinary or even that exciting (ok, yes it was exciting to me, and yes pretty much everything makes me excited) but bear with me. I had a blast with some friends that I love very dearly. We laughed, we joked, we just enjoyed being together. I got home that night and I thought,

“Wow God, I am in awe of all that you have given me. Not just memory though it is incredible, not just life though that is a blessing, on top of that you have given me people in my life who love me, who point me on the right path, who help me when I am breaking down, and who are there to share in the small joys in life, like lame movies and fits of giggles. God you have given me these amazing gifts my whole life and I have taken them for granted, Forgive me Lord. Thank you that I get the honor to know and love these people. Thank you for always teaching me.”

Every day I am in AWE of all that God has given me, I am thankful for the good things and I am thankful for the bad. I have started to live every single day humbled by all that God is and awe struck by all he does. This is no easy task, it’s not always fun, and it’s almost never the popular point of view. Being humble and standing in awe requires complete surrender, Full time trust, and heart and soul completely filled with Him. I have failed many times and I will continue to fail, not only in this area but in all areas of life. But if we desire learn when we fail, when we get hit in the head, and when we see life is fragile, and even when life is wonderful, then God will show us many wonderful things, he wants to teach you, he wants you to grow and learn, but your heart needs to be willing. Don’t wait until you are laid up in bed for a week to figure out that God wants to teach you something. Listen to what he is trying to tell you right now.

 

This is my challenge for all who read this, everyday find one thing that amazes you about life and also everyday find something that you are thankful for. You will find the two go hand in hand.

 

“So what can I say? What can I do? But offer this heart O God Completely to You

So I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned

In awe of the One who gave it all So I’ll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered All I am is Yours”

~Hillsong United, I Stand